Diana is again kneeling in
front of the pro wrestling fans' altar, glaring at the wrestling
figures surrounding it. After a brief moment, she stands up and
stomps her boot against the floor, the sound resonating throughout
the hall. She looks up towards the ceiling.
"Yo, is someone fucking
up there listening?! I guess kind of since Stephanie's gone but,
goddamnit, what about the rest of this shit? Hogan back in the
main event? X-pac prancing around again? Big Lazy just stinking
up the TV. Hey, just give us the word and we'll remedy what we've
screwed up."
She turns and begins to walk
away, looking down at her boots. She mumbles something about "kicking
ass."
Well ain't this all booking on
the fly? On a Monday we have HHH and Undie duking it out for the
WWF strap. By the next night, it's Hogan/HHH. Reason: fan reaction,
which means they're runnin' scared. And to think I was going to
buy the fucking PPV before that announcement. Oh well, why should
I expect any fuckin' better from the WWF, eh? So let's get goin'
with the bitchin' and predictin'.
Undisputed World Wrestling Federation
Championship
Triple H vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan
First of all, to the marks out
there, I'd like to send a hearty "fuck you" your way.
Yeah, you know who you all are- the ones who think the nWo and
Hogan are fuckin' magic because you weren't around to see it the
first time. This match is yours, hope you like it.
You know, I'm not the happiest
camper with Calaway right now but the fucker didn't deserve being
pulled out of the match before the ink was dry and replaced with
Hulk "I told Regis I could have beat Rock but my ribs were
broken" Hogan. And I'd be as pissed if it were anyone else,
from the Rock to Jericho to Austin. Hogan doesn't fuckin' deserve
to breeze in and then be thrown into the main event. Don't give
me that legacy shit- the man's selfish and he's still hording
that torch Andre gave him 16 years ago.
Well, if I do decide to hit a
local bar to see it, at least I can pull out before the main event
(or lack thereof) and toddle home.
Will Win: You know I'd go with
HHH based on principle and say he'd win but something's fucking
saying that Hogan will win since the marks think he's all that
right now. :P
WINNER: HOGAN
No. 1 Contenders Match
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Undertaker
Oh I'm sure these two bastards
are content. :P Austin headed for home in a sit-out after his
stint with Hall. Undie's pissed off routine sure seems like it
isn't all an act. And they're matched up together for another
round. Personally, I think it blows that these guys, who have
been loyal as shit to the WWF, have been pushed to the wayside
in favor of returning guys who left them in a lurch when Teddy
Turner offered more money.
Will Win: Austin, based on the
fact he's been bitchy and since he's a bigger draw than Undie
is now, will probably get the win as a pacifer to suck on.
WINNER: UNDERTAKER (but I'm guessing
this will be reversed or have a rematch, since SCSA's foot was
on the rope.
Edge vs. Kurt Angle
Will Win: Edge
WINNER: ANGLE
Cruiserweight Championship
Kidman vs. Tajiri (with Torrie)
Is it just me, or does this have
shades of Val Venis/ Yamaguchi from 1998? Where Yamaguchi made
his wife submissive and Val swooped in for the rescue (and the
poontang).
Will Win: Kidman
WINNER: TAJIRI
Intercontinental Championship
Rob Van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero
Will Win: RVD
WINNER: EDDY
Women's Championship
Jazz vs. Trish Stratus
Will Win: Trish Stratus
WINNER JAZZ
Tag Team Championship
Billy & Chuck vs. Al Snow & Maven
Will Win: Al and Maven
WINNER: GUNN AND PALUMBO (Now
I'm really convinced someone's blowing someone backstage for this.)
"The Next Big Thing"
makes his in-ring debut
Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy
Will Win: The monster, Brock
Lesnar.
WINNER: LESNAR
Bradshaw vs. Scott Hall
Will Win: Scott Hall, even though
I would like to see Bradshaw take it.
WINNER: HALL
TOTALS: (3/9)= 33%